Tomato Resitance

I

Tomatoes RIPEN on the Vine

I am too busy to notice

If I do I am Angry      

            Husband plants them, early Spring.

II

"What is that you say Husband?

It's time to harvest? 

Time to store,

to process,

to Labor?

Do it yourself,

I am involved elsewhere.

You planted, let them

        Rot unless you have time Yourself!!"

Where does this Resistance come from? 

Pride form are you there? 

Deadly Silence gives way to the breaking of the vine. 

III

Organic Garden

Faithful Trust
In all things God given
Lady-bug 
Praying-Mantis
You are welcome
Come Dine
on the Vine
We share in the weeding of the space
We hope to nourish fruit
A fidelity break 
from the hustle and bustle
of children lots of chatter
Sun,
Silence,
All things connected.
I help to nourish fruit.
Detaching the weeds
of a busy life
Attention to the 
Cosmic Mystery!


IV
Tomatoes vines ripe
with gift for many
fill my pots and pans.
Solitude,
Acid
Hot Kitchen Labor
Time to reflect.
Listening
Respectful Listening
to the Cosmic Epiphany:
Creator, creation, creature
Live together 
Gifts of in and out
Give to the earth
Gift of the earth
Life goes on 
no time to resist the Gift

V
Apprehend
Appreciate
Appraise
AWE
Rejoice!





VI

Fall and Winter
Warm Soup
Warm Care
Thank you God for the Grace 
to let go of Resentment
To enjoy the gift of tomatoes....
And Children.
"This is my Body, given to you."


Sept 2007 or 08

Maleny; November 30, 2003, almost 1 year 6 months old

It is the morning of the first day of Advent.  6:00 AM, the second alarm goes off to wake us up.  Usually Maleny sleeps through, but "not this day".  A movie critic is giving a review of several movies opening  near Christmas.  The Return of the King is mentioned and Aragorn's voice comes over the radio, he is commanding his men to battle.  At the sound of his voice, Maleny sits up from a sound sleep and jumps out of bed.  She has heard his call and is ready for her day!

Yes, I know what you are thinking.  But this is Maleny, she knows his voice and she identify's with the King.  She would follow him anywhere.


Tolkien did not write this, but it was a maybe the best of additions to the movie.

"Hold your ground, hold your ground! Sons of Gondor, of Rohan, my brothers! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of woes and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you *stand, Men of the West!*"

I found this narration in my journal written on the day of the event.  I am sorry that there is no mention of her speech.  I have to record the even before I throw out the journal.  Maleny's obedience to the voice she loves gives me so much to ponder.  I want to rise in the morning with the same tenacity.  Taking hold of my day through the inspiration of the King of Kings.  Not just one morning, but every morning.

Running Relationships, Like a Business/ Utilitarian Friendships

My friend Liz informed me that there is an African saying:  "Americans run their relationships like a business"  In the last 15 years I have invested myself in 4 religious associations where this has been true.  I have worked in leadership positions in these 4 associations.  Each positions has come to an end in some social presence crisis.  Lesson to self.  Never enter into a relationship with an association, or friend who is determined to climb the corporate ladder, or get something out of  your skills and gifts with the expectation of shared appreciation of other or even a shared goal. It wont happen and you will just be disappointed.

 This attitude is a good one.  According to Fr. Spitzer's "Priciples of Life and Levels of Happiness" which are derived from an Aristotelian Philosophy of Friendship, appreciation is not the end all.  Service to God; LOVE is Ultimate!  The battle will for ever seem to be an unrequited love. But isn't that Jesus's life death and resurrection in a nut shell.    The work is begging for the grace to suffer a union with Christ; giving all for the Father, without counting the cost or even asking "What is in it for me Lord.," because "Christ has already given His Blood for Love of me. He has DIED ON THE CROSS AND RISEN FROM THE DEAD FOR MY SAKE!"  What more could anyone ask for, and asking for more is actually quite arrogant.

The pain of these past crisis has compelled me to draw the lines of a shared goal for friendship.   I am only here on this earth to love and point to LOVE. Meditating on the infinite possibilities; consequences, of Love is my favorite interior past time.  I can only hope and trust I am following the example of Jesus when I draw those lines. Yes, invite the relationship, but don't stay in the relationship voluntarily if the other image of God is unwilling to be loved, or served, not by me, but God whom I serve.

Luke 18:18-23 (with the context of vss. 24-30 also)
[18] A certain ruler asked him, "Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
[19] "Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good -- except God alone. [20] You know the commandments: 'Do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother.'"
[21] "All these I have kept since I was a boy," he said.
[22] When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."
[23] When he heard this, he became very sad, because he was a man of great wealth.

Jesus laid out the lines, and let the young man walk away from him.  Jesus didn't beg him to stay, with all the Rich Young Man's baggage!  He said Sell what you have.... then come follow me. Jesus had boundaries. He couldn't work with the broken wounded heart of the Rich Young Man attached to his wealth.  


As stated in a past post, I have a tendency to fear "social anemia".  But I am getting over it.  Take it or leave it.  I can start out my friendships on the level of utilitarian, it is known to be a natural progression of friendship.  I actually maintain many relationships this way.  My neighbors, to a point. I can give {and give) to the little neighbor girl across the alley, but if the Mother will not engage in a cooperative respectful formational dialog with me over an event in my backyard concerning her daughter, I don't have to have her daughter back in my yard. If and when I am able to work out some mutually understood boundaries that will help the little image of God and my own little images of God, make some "good choices", back yard privileges will be restored.

The coward is the man who can't take the uncertainty of LOVE.  God gave us a free will to live with, in and through Him.    This LOVE in action  is... Jesus, sadly but respectfully watching the Rich Young Man (RYM)  move on to...maybe, make more wealth for himself while the poor go hungry.  RYM may have returned with empty pockets and a full heart after some reflection and time.  Maybe even after Christ's resurrection.  We do not know. Since we perceive the world saying "No! and even "Hell No!" to the love of God, the RYM looks to us like an object of Christ's unrequited love.

After several social presence crisis, I want to have learned not to be a coward and to ask the hard questions.  "What are you giving me this Love for God?  For what purpose is my heart exploding for this adventure, association or person in front of me?"   I don't want to waste time, but I do.... by imagining the worst case scenario. Or being a coward, failing the invitations because of my unbelief.  "Good God, my own children think I am "off" sometimes, and you God,  are asking me to stand on what small limb?   No, I don't want to ask my friend to let go of his/her attachments and follow you, are you kidding?   THEY MIGHT WALK AWAY!!!  As if it didn't happen to you first."  Yes, they may walk away, and never see you again...on this earth.   


And Jesus thirsts for my love and my neighbors. Maybe I better get Him a drink.

Neighbor Prayers

"Arise my beloved, my beautiful one, and come along."  Scripture from the Song of Songs internally greeted me as I awoke Sunday morning.  I had asked Jesus to wake me for 6:30 AM Mass at Lourdes so I could start my bread dough before 8:00.  What a joy it is to wake up knowing Jesus wants to live "In", walk "With" and love "Through" me.  What a day we were going to have together. 

We have been praying for a broken relationship in our neighborhood for a long time. What little faith I had.   I never thought it would be reconciled. Sunday was the day.  5 households were out in the alley Sunday.  Trees needed to be cut down. and we have a wood stove.  Our neighbor to the East of us had planned all along to give us his tree.  The neighbor behind us had other friends he wanted to give the wood to.  But they didn't show up.  Maleny and David spent the morning helping the family with the two big trees in their front yard.  They dragged branch after branch with leaves on them into the "Jones' " back yard.  Mr. Jones asked us to come get the wood because his helpers hadn't shown up. The whole family and other neighbors raided his yard to take care of the mess. I brought over my bread once it was out of the oven.  We broke bread and were a working neighborhood.  The wife of whom I have had a not been on speaking terms graciously (addressing me by name) thanked me.  At the end of the day I had the courage to state that Jesus was Lord of our past, present and future.  Then I asked her if she thought we could love each other now.  And she replied "Yes." 

All I can do is be responsible for my own surrender to the Holy Spirit from day to day.  Being the reservoir from which overflows excess into the field around me is much easier than concentrating on the dry ground around the receptacle. Fretting about receptivity covers the rain barrel and no one gets any water.  I don't think this is the end to offenses.  I am sure I will offend again, but Jesus is Lord of that future, Jesus, I trust in you.

Perfect Appearances 24/7

 Mary Poppins; Ms. Practically Perfect.

Mary Poppins,  comes to the aid of a set of parents who are not able to "be" for their children.  She knows how to enjoy life and the presence of the children in her care AND she is in control!  Don't we all want to be in control. She is so attractive, and yet she creeps me out. Everything works out lovely in the end. As dreamy as Ms. Practically Perfect is, she is not within my reach, as a parent nor in my relationship with others,

Before I became a parent, I had never laid eyes on an infant that I thought was beautiful  God was merciful and gave me a perfect baby that was perfectly beautiful, probably so I could be in awe of her, despite her demanding ways. I wanted to be in control, but it didn't work out that way. I was mostly ok with letting Dana run my life, because she was so beautiful.

Respect and reverence shouldn't be contingent on the beauty of a person, event or thing.  But beauty does inspire these attitudes.  That is why beautiful Cathedrals exist.   Yet being awed by the tabernacle rather than the Bread of Life waiting for us within is backward.  I fear my own attraction to beauty.  St. Francis and your leper friends, pray for me. Mother Theresa and the souls you bathed at the threshold of death, pray for me.

The human person desires perfect Love, Justice/Goodness, Beauty, Truth, and Being.  Expecting perfect Love, perfect Justice/goodness, perfect Beauty, and perfect Being from myself or others in this fallen world is somewhat foolish and when I demand it from myself and others, I loose my peace.   "Only in God is my soul at rest."

Foolish I am, in my alternative universe, surrounded by beautiful faces.  Observation:  I have had friends that I admired and attempted to emulate that were in the habit of keeping immaculate homes, and immaculate appearances.  These friendships inspired order and beauty in my own home.  I have two "Sacred Spaces" in my house that are fruits of my relationship with one friend that I never see any more.   Life has never been the same due to my relationship with Regnum Christi (RC),  founded by a man who was not the Holy man he appeared to be.  Yet RC was the impetus for a transformation in my heart that I am grateful for.

The pressure to be perfect 24/7 can be very hard on a relationship.    It is not a surprise when the "perfect appearance" curtain falls, but in the three cases I can think of, where the curtain fell on my friends they were so entangled in it, that I haven't seen them since.

The practice of suffering the unknown gives me an opportunity to offer up all the unknown redemptive-ly. Having to place my worries and cares to the foot of the Cross brings me into the presence of Christ, on a regular basis, strengthening my union with the Holy Trinity.  As Dr. Muto says:  "What matters is the deepening of our relationship with our Lord and in the light of that mysterious intimacy all else eventually works itself out."  I would rather be begging God for grace 24/7 than insisting perfection from myself or others 24/7!

Mary Poppins isn't real, but I do have an example of a person who was good with children and lovely. 
His example of simplicity and detachment in his encounters with others, inspires me to be responsible for living in the Love Will of the Father, offering the invitation to others 24/7 .  The fruit of love is our eternal surprise, I think I can wait.

For Ever Grieving Presence

Cecilia took this picture in the fall.  Our baby was due on October 18, two days before Dave and my 26th wedding anniversary.   Dominique/Dominic would be 6 months old.  We buried the baby's remains under this rock under our maple tree.  I have always thought of this as sacred space.  Now all the children we play with in the neighborhood know it as so. This baby, so far and probably will not have, a following.  Our first lost child was followed by Dana.  If that person had made it, we would not have our Dana.  We were consoled.  I look back on this year and think of all the things we have done that may not have been attempted with a baby in tow.  Cecilia's theater adventures and Maleny's Kung Fu.  I can be grateful, but I think the consolation will come in Eternity when we will meet our  First and Eighth face to face.  But I am still hoping.

Daughters

Three of my daughters (I have five) are old enough to be sought after.  Four are gorgeous.  One is just too cute.

The story of "The Shoe Maker and the Elves" is on my mind a lot.  "Through no fault of his own.... he was impoverished."  Through no fault of my own I am surrounded by beautiful faces.

It is December 16th,  and 10 days ago we celebrated the Feast of St. Nicholas.  One of his stories is that a man with three daughters, (remember this is the 300's), had no money for dowry's for even one of them. A rumor went around that the man was going to sell them into prostitution.  St. Nicholas threw bags of gold down the chimney to save them, and so they were married to men rather than sold to them.

Tonight, sitting in the middle of a high school theater after a show, I observed many persons under 20.  It occurred to me sitting amongst so much angst, that I live in an alternative universe.  I think my sister has been trying to tell me this for years, those years when I took my older children to theater functions and my girls peers seem to think I was a Martian to be avoided or ignored. It made me angry.  I think because the treatment was so similar to High School, why should it be any different just because I was an adult?   Tonight, I have gray hair, there are only about ten of us in the theater, that are parents with gray hair.  Tonight, as I look around after the show, my 15 year old is on stage hugging her acting friends, I look around and smile at the faces I see.  They don't see me.  One woman with gray hair is coming up the isle, she see's me, and we exchange sincere smiles.  We are older together.   I get a quick reprieve of this feeling of alienation that is not mine, I am imagining the experiencing of loneliness that these angst-y teenagers feel, selective about who they look deeply at, who they exchange smiles with, and who they squeeze.  Being selective is a good thing of course. I don't really want to squeeze anyone. I am sitting in the middle of the emptying theater for a reason.  I begin to wonder if I am a creepy old lady.  I wonder if all these years whenever I have taken joy in a person (that was not in my alternate universe), if I was a creepy woman?

The teens in this theater are not much in appearance.  The kids that were on stage were ok, but I have exceptionally beautiful daughters, through no fault of my own.  I think that I am used to smiling at them and having them return the favor on occasion in my alternate universe. It just occurs to me that self respect for oneself and others,... practiced by grooming and carrying around inner joy to be shared with a smile is not the normal!  I don't get out much. 

My regular social events are limited to trips to Safeway and regular small conversations with my favorite clerks that have worked there over 10 years.  Someone I love is always behind the counter at Safeway.  And then there is taking Maleny to her Kung Fu lessons.  Two times a week she takes from a group class.  Once a week she has a private lesson.  The group lessons are so enjoyable.  I wish everyone could watch the children and Mr. Lowe respectfully challenge his students to transcend their physical and spiritual abilities in the way he directs and limits them.   Mr. Lowe appears to be very attentive even when he is not looking.  Isn't that one of the Kung Fu mysteries.  He has surpassed my own ideal of being present to others and I wonder if my enthusiasm for him is creepy, rooted in something selfishly needy.  I would like to believe that my alternative universe leaves me far from selfishly needy.

A couple of weeks ago in the St. X bulletin, was a flier that read , "is your social life anemic", advertised the Altar Society.  Dear God, not that.    But I wonder  if I am so starved for social interaction that any, just makes me a "creepy old lady".  (Shudder).   Or if it is just my nature to enjoy others and I am happiest with those who appreciate other images of God?  


That brings me back to my own "Alternative Universe".  This social event of Maleny's group Kung Fu lesson has sent my attentions to a new place,  I want my beautiful daughters to repeat my,.. our "Alternative Universe".  I want them to marry men who are strong, respectful, appreciative and present to the moment.  Present to as much of their formation field as they can absorb in any given situation.   I dream of my daughters expanding our family, God willing, with men who carry joy deeply and practice it with a beautiful sincere smile.   I anticipate with joy any blessed children that would come from such a union.  Because what is really "anemic" is not a social life, but society.  Society is starving for joyful hearts convicted of presence and purpose. How will it ever recover if we don't show them how.  St. Nicholas seems to be the perfect patron to beseech assistance from; in the case of my daughters who are of age. St. Nicholas of Myra, pray for us!