O my Jesus.....begins the  Morning offering that my husband and I say every morning together.
O my Jesus...through the Immaculate Heart of Mary....we Pray this morning.
I offer you my prayers....I had just completed a vigil beside the bedside of my Uncle Hugh.
Works... I washed dished and threw together a meal (Dave had fixings for tacos) for my Aunt in an hour of what we thought was the end of our night.
Joys.... the color of his skin improved in the beginning of his stay in ICU.
Sufferings.... my Uncle bled and while conscious he was in a great deal of pain. My Aunt's heart was breaking, her son battled the with cheering on his beloved father, and letting him go, and I started out my Friday with a sinus headache/migraine. The night was full of reminders that it wasn't over, .
of this day.....a 30 hour one.
for the intentions of your Sacred Heart......
In union with the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass throughout the world......our Lord through the consecrated hands of the priests changes ordinary bread, and ordinary wine, into the flesh and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ, and then Jesus in our bodies, transforms our hearts and minds and wills to be more like His own. What ever we bring Him, "weather too much, or too little" as Fr. Semple says. he transforms and transcends our offerings.
in thanksgiving for your favors.....innumerable
in reparation for my sins....innumerable
for the intentions of my family and friends....innumerable through out the ages...
and in particular for the Holy Father; Pope Benedict the VI
Amen

Our Father....To remind me God provides what we need...
Hail Mary...when no one can bring comfort but the Mother of us all, the New Eve.
Oh Jesus.....When the mystery is so unfathomable, darkness is the night in a room that is so light there is no rest.
Jesus...When there is nothing left to say
Jesus, Mary Joseph...I love you save souls....when death seems near at hand
Saints and Angels greet him....

Six o'clock in the morning and my Uncle had moved from time to Eternity, leaving us behind.  We cry and rest and be with...and without. 

Why is it that the 'hit to the kidneys' Uncle Hugh experienced in his illness seemed to hit us too when we experience the death of someone we love.  We are united, even when the relations are not immediate.  A week earlier a friends child took his own life at the age of 23.  We feel sick, so sick. The green experienced is a motion sickness from the weight of the soul rocking the boat as it leaves unexpectedly and with such violent force.  being present or not, at a natural death or sudden illness has all kinds of disruptive rocking as well.  The tug and release of our own wills on the life of our beloved as we struggle with the soul's free agency and will of our Creator and time.   It can get pretty choppy in those waters. 

Jesus...I say as I drift off to sleep......I have pain in my hip and I dream of bleeding and death...Why? I ask in my sleep is the hip pain so familiar and relational to my now?  the question is unanswered in my sleep.  Uncle Hugh died of complications from a bleeding hip, after surgery to clean staph infection in his artificial joint.  I wake up green in the gills, remembering my dream and my now. 

I get up to start the real  time offering, not just the prayer, of my new days prayers, works, joys and sufferings of the every day.  I am believing that I can even have and every day!!!.... I clean the freezer....busy with all kinds of every day chores around the kitchen and laundry....and I feel more green.  Though truth be told the color has returned to my skin.  I can not go on.

I retreat to my bed and have a good cry.  I think of conversations past that relate to this event.  This is not just about the loss of Uncle Hugh.  Every death brings with it a re-living of those ties that bind us with all the common relations we have with the one who leaves us.  The willfulness, will-lessness, and the willing-ly loving of those still here.... and those who are gone... and the soul who just departed.  All of that re-living, like watching an Imax movie full of motion and emotion in the depths of our consciences. Some of the seeing is done with closed eyes, don't make me look at that God.  And so we don't see as we live out the roller coaster experience of loosing a loved one.  But our bodies know when we are up or down on choppy waters.  We can add to the value of eternity for all.  Soon we begin a new a new day.

 O my Jesus, through the Immaculate Heart of Mary I offer you my prayers, works, joys and sufferings of this day, for the intentions of your Sacred Heart, in union with the Mass offered throughout the world, in thanksgiving for your favors, in reparation for my sin, for the intentions of my relatives and friends and in particular for the Intentions of our Holy Father; Benedict the XVI.

Washing Dishes, Window or Mirror

This is my new arrangement where I spend a lot of my life washing the dishes. I have lived in many homes in my life, 14 moves, 13 different homes. The best arrangement, I thought, was the sink facing any window in the kitchen, 9 of the homes I lived in had this feature.  In my home, that would mean that I could keep an eye out on my children in the back yard.  I do anyway... but I have always thought that the sun shining on my dishes and being able to see the world; the "beautiful day in the neighborhood" would be ideal. 

The mirror in this arrangement is only from 2 to 5 years old. We used to have a penny farthing ornamental bicycle with a mirror within it.  It was small. I liked to be able to see behind me, but I always had to move my head to see more than my face.  It is nice to have a conversation with my back to others and be able to look into their eyes.  The new mirror allows that to happen.

My sister gifted me with the vases in the picture.  I recently learned about the plants that survive on air and an occasional watering. I couldn't wait to find some to grace the wall.  This new beauty prompted more contemplation of the original discontentment over the placement of the sink in this kitchen.  It seems to me that all kitchens should have this feature, don't those who build homes know that the most basic of every day things, like washing dishes, needs an extra cosmic epiphanic perk.  (Cosmic Epiphany: God revealed in all of Creation.) We need to see outside while we wash.

Back to complaining... I mean more contemplation while doing the dishes.  I don't get to see the wider world while I wash.  When I looked up I could see my eyes and sorrow.  I was tired and not well.  Dave can always tell when I am getting a headache by looking into my eyes.  I see it too when I am not having vision problems, another symptom of a migraine coming on. Fr. Adrian came to mind.  His constructs for Formation Science and the fields of formation; wider world mondial, intra, inter, and situational fields.   When I wash dishes, I don't have the wider world to contemplate, unless I turn on the radio.  But I do have my own face to read.  Is it full of joy? Is it ill? Is it worried, and what about?  Is it too scary for David Jr. because I am mad? Is it old? Uncared for?  Tonight I was washing dishes around 5:00 before Dave was expected home and my hair wasn't coiffed.  So I stopped what I was doing to turn on the curling iron.

Several days ago, I contemplated the weary face and looked with a critical eye at the OTHER arrangements in my kitchen that make me flustered, the things that if a friend came in to the house to care for any of us, she would be lost in my kitchen.  It would make anyone tired to work here!   Could those arrangements be remedied?  Yes they can!   They have been remedied.  At least the ones I have identified so far.  The kitchen sink will probably never be moved to the window.  I may someday have a bay window where the one we have is.  But it doesn't matter.  I think I need to let go of the resentment for the builders and appreciate that I can take my own attitude inventory with the view on the wall where I do my dishes.  What other time of the day is that done?  God knows what I need and it seems He doesn't think it was ever important for my sink to be on the South wall facing out.  The interior wall where I could look in and have the intra-formational conversation with Him is all that is necessary.   Thank God for the bigger view and always, for a new gratitude.  It is about time I let go of that resentment. It makes me blind, and could add to my migraines.