Abiding in Awe filled Attention are the first three A's of Appraisal.  I am returning to my van Kaam studies and decided to look at my work from Course IV.    In this course I chose to study my social presence and came out with a typical childhood lesson to articulate the A's of Appraisal as it related to a social crises I had in 2002. The following is a poem written to help me articulate  Fr. Adrian and Susan A Muto's work ( 4 of the A's of Appraisal)  in practice. 

T's For "Time Out"

Time out for Awe

Time out to silence my mind

and heart

and breathe,

grateful for breath

Deep breath.

Roses,

Roses in faces.

My God Divine,

I sense the transcendent

In your eyes,

Abiding in Awe is A tending to

Mystery

Mystery who desires to

care for me,

More than

I desire to let 'IT' go....

But you are God and I am not.

Acknowledging Your Omnipotence

saves me!



The Drop in Visitor; 

Our Blessed Mother Visiting Her Cousin Elizabeth

It is the first Sunday of Advent and as my family prayed the Rosary this afternoon, I had a lot to meditate on.  Thanks Giving week was filled with visitors.

VisitationMariotto Albertinelli
1503 - Oil on wood, 232 x 146 cm
Galleria degli Uffizi, Florence

The picture  is lovely.  Elizabeth is so grateful for, and to the Mother
of God.

"Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb! And why is this granted me, that the mother of my Lord should come to me?"

Mural in Conception Abbey, Missouri

HereElizabeth And Zacheriah greet Our Blessed Mother at the door.  The joy and surprise of the unexpected visit was what I want to relish.  I wonder why St. Joseph is in the picture, unless it is to forshadow the Nativity, maybe it is to remind the viewer that God the Son, and his announcer John the Baptist had fathers in their lives.  Albeit, Joseph a foster Father.

In this beautiful painting, Food;Hospitality, almost takes center stage,  Her surprise is seen on her face, I can't tell if Elizabeth is even looking at Mary here, maybe she is experiencing the child leaping in her womb, or maybe she is getting an inner locution that tells her the reason why her baby is jumping for joy.    Her hands up in the air are an expresion of surprise and wonder; Openness to The Epiphany.

Back to our family Rosary, when the 2nd Joyful Mystery is prayed, the virtue prayed for is Zeal for Souls.  Mary had been told that she is to be "The Virgin" that is to incarnate The Messiah and give birth to him.  The other news was that her aging cousin is to give birth to a son as well.  Mary's care and concern for Elizabeth compelled Mary to travel a distance, probably on foot, in the first three months of her own pregnancy, to care for this aging cousin. Zeal.

The obvious Openness to Human Life; that begins in the womb is the first lovely meditation.  These women say a resounding "Yes" to the image of God, that humanity is.  And Mary says yes to The Holy Trinity, when asked to become the Mother of God.

I heard of a written discourse between a young woman and her male friend.  The point of their discussion was that the world would be changed if married couples were to acknowledge and rejoice in the fact that each "conjugal act of Marriage had the awesome potential to change the Universe."  This couple has been formed in JP II's Theology of the Body.  Appreciating how God made us to reproduce His image gives us joy, and in the act of Thanksgiving/Appreciating, God,  increases our Faith Hope and Love. Not for the Holy Trinity alone, for one another as well. I am not referring to the appreciation that pays lip service, but the appreciation that is both an invitation and a song of praise: 
"God, you know the past the present and the future.  You know who needs to be in my life, who will form me to be more like you, I trust you, so BRING IT ON!"  

Today, so few of us are schooled in that kind of appreciation.   The very antithesis of the above "God,...bring it on." is ...  artificial birth control; in all its forms.   Society believes they have a right to  control  who they can invite into or out of their lives.  That false sense of control extends into the everyday meeting of others.   Had Elizabeth and Mary believed that to be so, there would be no reason for a "Visitation".   

Elizabeth  waits for, not only her own child, but more importantly, the Messiah.  She is open, she is old and in need of assistance, but she too is a hostess.  She opens her heart and home to let Mary; the Mother of God, in to care for her!  And she is aware of all that that act of love implies.  Giving, and receiving.  As Fr. Adrian van Kaam has articulated, "form donation/form reception."

An art form has been lost and I am not refering to the technical expertise in the above paintings.  But the deeper message that "leaps" out of the event of the visitation.  : ) Being open to the image of God begins with our attitude toward our own created bodies and extends out to how we view others coming to visit us in all our own "formative phases" of becoming more like Jesus.  Many of us can not identify with Mary as she drops in on her cousin.  We can't imagine ourselves doing that to any of our friends.  And how 'bout being receptive to a visit?  The Art of dropping in, and hosting the drop in, is rarely seen.  I am not talking about hanging with friends all day in a codependent way, where two homes; that of the visitor and that of the home dropped in on,  are left a wreck.   In the days of awaiting in the season of Advent, I hope to expand on this.   But for now, I want to think about who I allow to be "Jesus" for me?    

 

Tomato Resitance

I

Tomatoes RIPEN on the Vine

I am too busy to notice

If I do I am Angry      

            Husband plants them, early Spring.

II

"What is that you say Husband?

It's time to harvest? 

Time to store,

to process,

to Labor?

Do it yourself,

I am involved elsewhere.

You planted, let them

        Rot unless you have time Yourself!!"

Where does this Resistance come from? 

Pride form are you there? 

Deadly Silence gives way to the breaking of the vine. 

III

Organic Garden

Faithful Trust
In all things God given
Lady-bug 
Praying-Mantis
You are welcome
Come Dine
on the Vine
We share in the weeding of the space
We hope to nourish fruit
A fidelity break 
from the hustle and bustle
of children lots of chatter
Sun,
Silence,
All things connected.
I help to nourish fruit.
Detaching the weeds
of a busy life
Attention to the 
Cosmic Mystery!


IV
Tomatoes vines ripe
with gift for many
fill my pots and pans.
Solitude,
Acid
Hot Kitchen Labor
Time to reflect.
Listening
Respectful Listening
to the Cosmic Epiphany:
Creator, creation, creature
Live together 
Gifts of in and out
Give to the earth
Gift of the earth
Life goes on 
no time to resist the Gift

V
Apprehend
Appreciate
Appraise
AWE
Rejoice!





VI

Fall and Winter
Warm Soup
Warm Care
Thank you God for the Grace 
to let go of Resentment
To enjoy the gift of tomatoes....
And Children.
"This is my Body, given to you."


Sept 2007 or 08

Maleny; November 30, 2003, almost 1 year 6 months old

It is the morning of the first day of Advent.  6:00 AM, the second alarm goes off to wake us up.  Usually Maleny sleeps through, but "not this day".  A movie critic is giving a review of several movies opening  near Christmas.  The Return of the King is mentioned and Aragorn's voice comes over the radio, he is commanding his men to battle.  At the sound of his voice, Maleny sits up from a sound sleep and jumps out of bed.  She has heard his call and is ready for her day!

Yes, I know what you are thinking.  But this is Maleny, she knows his voice and she identify's with the King.  She would follow him anywhere.


Tolkien did not write this, but it was a maybe the best of additions to the movie.

"Hold your ground, hold your ground! Sons of Gondor, of Rohan, my brothers! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of woes and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you *stand, Men of the West!*"

I found this narration in my journal written on the day of the event.  I am sorry that there is no mention of her speech.  I have to record the even before I throw out the journal.  Maleny's obedience to the voice she loves gives me so much to ponder.  I want to rise in the morning with the same tenacity.  Taking hold of my day through the inspiration of the King of Kings.  Not just one morning, but every morning.

Running Relationships, Like a Business/ Utilitarian Friendships

My friend Liz informed me that there is an African saying:  "Americans run their relationships like a business"  In the last 15 years I have invested myself in 4 religious associations where this has been true.  I have worked in leadership positions in these 4 associations.  Each positions has come to an end in some social presence crisis.  Lesson to self.  Never enter into a relationship with an association, or friend who is determined to climb the corporate ladder, or get something out of  your skills and gifts with the expectation of shared appreciation of other or even a shared goal. It wont happen and you will just be disappointed.

 This attitude is a good one.  According to Fr. Spitzer's "Priciples of Life and Levels of Happiness" which are derived from an Aristotelian Philosophy of Friendship, appreciation is not the end all.  Service to God; LOVE is Ultimate!  The battle will for ever seem to be an unrequited love. But isn't that Jesus's life death and resurrection in a nut shell.    The work is begging for the grace to suffer a union with Christ; giving all for the Father, without counting the cost or even asking "What is in it for me Lord.," because "Christ has already given His Blood for Love of me. He has DIED ON THE CROSS AND RISEN FROM THE DEAD FOR MY SAKE!"  What more could anyone ask for, and asking for more is actually quite arrogant.

The pain of these past crisis has compelled me to draw the lines of a shared goal for friendship.   I am only here on this earth to love and point to LOVE. Meditating on the infinite possibilities; consequences, of Love is my favorite interior past time.  I can only hope and trust I am following the example of Jesus when I draw those lines. Yes, invite the relationship, but don't stay in the relationship voluntarily if the other image of God is unwilling to be loved, or served, not by me, but God whom I serve.

Luke 18:18-23 (with the context of vss. 24-30 also)
[18] A certain ruler asked him, "Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
[19] "Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good -- except God alone. [20] You know the commandments: 'Do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother.'"
[21] "All these I have kept since I was a boy," he said.
[22] When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."
[23] When he heard this, he became very sad, because he was a man of great wealth.

Jesus laid out the lines, and let the young man walk away from him.  Jesus didn't beg him to stay, with all the Rich Young Man's baggage!  He said Sell what you have.... then come follow me. Jesus had boundaries. He couldn't work with the broken wounded heart of the Rich Young Man attached to his wealth.  


As stated in a past post, I have a tendency to fear "social anemia".  But I am getting over it.  Take it or leave it.  I can start out my friendships on the level of utilitarian, it is known to be a natural progression of friendship.  I actually maintain many relationships this way.  My neighbors, to a point. I can give {and give) to the little neighbor girl across the alley, but if the Mother will not engage in a cooperative respectful formational dialog with me over an event in my backyard concerning her daughter, I don't have to have her daughter back in my yard. If and when I am able to work out some mutually understood boundaries that will help the little image of God and my own little images of God, make some "good choices", back yard privileges will be restored.

The coward is the man who can't take the uncertainty of LOVE.  God gave us a free will to live with, in and through Him.    This LOVE in action  is... Jesus, sadly but respectfully watching the Rich Young Man (RYM)  move on to...maybe, make more wealth for himself while the poor go hungry.  RYM may have returned with empty pockets and a full heart after some reflection and time.  Maybe even after Christ's resurrection.  We do not know. Since we perceive the world saying "No! and even "Hell No!" to the love of God, the RYM looks to us like an object of Christ's unrequited love.

After several social presence crisis, I want to have learned not to be a coward and to ask the hard questions.  "What are you giving me this Love for God?  For what purpose is my heart exploding for this adventure, association or person in front of me?"   I don't want to waste time, but I do.... by imagining the worst case scenario. Or being a coward, failing the invitations because of my unbelief.  "Good God, my own children think I am "off" sometimes, and you God,  are asking me to stand on what small limb?   No, I don't want to ask my friend to let go of his/her attachments and follow you, are you kidding?   THEY MIGHT WALK AWAY!!!  As if it didn't happen to you first."  Yes, they may walk away, and never see you again...on this earth.   


And Jesus thirsts for my love and my neighbors. Maybe I better get Him a drink.

Neighbor Prayers

"Arise my beloved, my beautiful one, and come along."  Scripture from the Song of Songs internally greeted me as I awoke Sunday morning.  I had asked Jesus to wake me for 6:30 AM Mass at Lourdes so I could start my bread dough before 8:00.  What a joy it is to wake up knowing Jesus wants to live "In", walk "With" and love "Through" me.  What a day we were going to have together. 

We have been praying for a broken relationship in our neighborhood for a long time. What little faith I had.   I never thought it would be reconciled. Sunday was the day.  5 households were out in the alley Sunday.  Trees needed to be cut down. and we have a wood stove.  Our neighbor to the East of us had planned all along to give us his tree.  The neighbor behind us had other friends he wanted to give the wood to.  But they didn't show up.  Maleny and David spent the morning helping the family with the two big trees in their front yard.  They dragged branch after branch with leaves on them into the "Jones' " back yard.  Mr. Jones asked us to come get the wood because his helpers hadn't shown up. The whole family and other neighbors raided his yard to take care of the mess. I brought over my bread once it was out of the oven.  We broke bread and were a working neighborhood.  The wife of whom I have had a not been on speaking terms graciously (addressing me by name) thanked me.  At the end of the day I had the courage to state that Jesus was Lord of our past, present and future.  Then I asked her if she thought we could love each other now.  And she replied "Yes." 

All I can do is be responsible for my own surrender to the Holy Spirit from day to day.  Being the reservoir from which overflows excess into the field around me is much easier than concentrating on the dry ground around the receptacle. Fretting about receptivity covers the rain barrel and no one gets any water.  I don't think this is the end to offenses.  I am sure I will offend again, but Jesus is Lord of that future, Jesus, I trust in you.

Perfect Appearances 24/7

 Mary Poppins; Ms. Practically Perfect.

Mary Poppins,  comes to the aid of a set of parents who are not able to "be" for their children.  She knows how to enjoy life and the presence of the children in her care AND she is in control!  Don't we all want to be in control. She is so attractive, and yet she creeps me out. Everything works out lovely in the end. As dreamy as Ms. Practically Perfect is, she is not within my reach, as a parent nor in my relationship with others,

Before I became a parent, I had never laid eyes on an infant that I thought was beautiful  God was merciful and gave me a perfect baby that was perfectly beautiful, probably so I could be in awe of her, despite her demanding ways. I wanted to be in control, but it didn't work out that way. I was mostly ok with letting Dana run my life, because she was so beautiful.

Respect and reverence shouldn't be contingent on the beauty of a person, event or thing.  But beauty does inspire these attitudes.  That is why beautiful Cathedrals exist.   Yet being awed by the tabernacle rather than the Bread of Life waiting for us within is backward.  I fear my own attraction to beauty.  St. Francis and your leper friends, pray for me. Mother Theresa and the souls you bathed at the threshold of death, pray for me.

The human person desires perfect Love, Justice/Goodness, Beauty, Truth, and Being.  Expecting perfect Love, perfect Justice/goodness, perfect Beauty, and perfect Being from myself or others in this fallen world is somewhat foolish and when I demand it from myself and others, I loose my peace.   "Only in God is my soul at rest."

Foolish I am, in my alternative universe, surrounded by beautiful faces.  Observation:  I have had friends that I admired and attempted to emulate that were in the habit of keeping immaculate homes, and immaculate appearances.  These friendships inspired order and beauty in my own home.  I have two "Sacred Spaces" in my house that are fruits of my relationship with one friend that I never see any more.   Life has never been the same due to my relationship with Regnum Christi (RC),  founded by a man who was not the Holy man he appeared to be.  Yet RC was the impetus for a transformation in my heart that I am grateful for.

The pressure to be perfect 24/7 can be very hard on a relationship.    It is not a surprise when the "perfect appearance" curtain falls, but in the three cases I can think of, where the curtain fell on my friends they were so entangled in it, that I haven't seen them since.

The practice of suffering the unknown gives me an opportunity to offer up all the unknown redemptive-ly. Having to place my worries and cares to the foot of the Cross brings me into the presence of Christ, on a regular basis, strengthening my union with the Holy Trinity.  As Dr. Muto says:  "What matters is the deepening of our relationship with our Lord and in the light of that mysterious intimacy all else eventually works itself out."  I would rather be begging God for grace 24/7 than insisting perfection from myself or others 24/7!

Mary Poppins isn't real, but I do have an example of a person who was good with children and lovely. 
His example of simplicity and detachment in his encounters with others, inspires me to be responsible for living in the Love Will of the Father, offering the invitation to others 24/7 .  The fruit of love is our eternal surprise, I think I can wait.

For Ever Grieving Presence

Cecilia took this picture in the fall.  Our baby was due on October 18, two days before Dave and my 26th wedding anniversary.   Dominique/Dominic would be 6 months old.  We buried the baby's remains under this rock under our maple tree.  I have always thought of this as sacred space.  Now all the children we play with in the neighborhood know it as so. This baby, so far and probably will not have, a following.  Our first lost child was followed by Dana.  If that person had made it, we would not have our Dana.  We were consoled.  I look back on this year and think of all the things we have done that may not have been attempted with a baby in tow.  Cecilia's theater adventures and Maleny's Kung Fu.  I can be grateful, but I think the consolation will come in Eternity when we will meet our  First and Eighth face to face.  But I am still hoping.