The story of "The Shoe Maker and the Elves" is on my mind a lot. "Through no fault of his own.... he was impoverished." Through no fault of my own I am surrounded by beautiful faces.
It is December 16th, and 10 days ago we celebrated the Feast of St. Nicholas. One of his stories is that a man with three daughters, (remember this is the 300's), had no money for dowry's for even one of them. A rumor went around that the man was going to sell them into prostitution. St. Nicholas threw bags of gold down the chimney to save them, and so they were married to men rather than sold to them.
Tonight, sitting in the middle of a high school theater after a show, I observed many persons under 20. It occurred to me sitting amongst so much angst, that I live in an alternative universe. I think my sister has been trying to tell me this for years, those years when I took my older children to theater functions and my girls peers seem to think I was a Martian to be avoided or ignored. It made me angry. I think because the treatment was so similar to High School, why should it be any different just because I was an adult? Tonight, I have gray hair, there are only about ten of us in the theater, that are parents with gray hair. Tonight, as I look around after the show, my 15 year old is on stage hugging her acting friends, I look around and smile at the faces I see. They don't see me. One woman with gray hair is coming up the isle, she see's me, and we exchange sincere smiles. We are older together. I get a quick reprieve of this feeling of alienation that is not mine, I am imagining the experiencing of loneliness that these angst-y teenagers feel, selective about who they look deeply at, who they exchange smiles with, and who they squeeze. Being selective is a good thing of course. I don't really want to squeeze anyone. I am sitting in the middle of the emptying theater for a reason. I begin to wonder if I am a creepy old lady. I wonder if all these years whenever I have taken joy in a person (that was not in my alternate universe), if I was a creepy woman?
The teens in this theater are not much in appearance. The kids that were on stage were ok, but I have exceptionally beautiful daughters, through no fault of my own. I think that I am used to smiling at them and having them return the favor on occasion in my alternate universe. It just occurs to me that self respect for oneself and others,... practiced by grooming and carrying around inner joy to be shared with a smile is not the normal! I don't get out much.
My regular social events are limited to trips to Safeway and regular small conversations with my favorite clerks that have worked there over 10 years. Someone I love is always behind the counter at Safeway. And then there is taking Maleny to her Kung Fu lessons. Two times a week she takes from a group class. Once a week she has a private lesson. The group lessons are so enjoyable. I wish everyone could watch the children and Mr. Lowe respectfully challenge his students to transcend their physical and spiritual abilities in the way he directs and limits them. Mr. Lowe appears to be very attentive even when he is not looking. Isn't that one of the Kung Fu mysteries. He has surpassed my own ideal of being present to others and I wonder if my enthusiasm for him is creepy, rooted in something selfishly needy. I would like to believe that my alternative universe leaves me far from selfishly needy.
A couple of weeks ago in the St. X bulletin, was a flier that read , "is your social life anemic", advertised the Altar Society. Dear God, not that. But I wonder if I am so starved for social interaction that any, just makes me a "creepy old lady". (Shudder). Or if it is just my nature to enjoy others and I am happiest with those who appreciate other images of God?
That brings me back to my own "Alternative Universe". This social event of Maleny's group Kung Fu lesson has sent my attentions to a new place, I want my beautiful daughters to repeat my,.. our "Alternative Universe". I want them to marry men who are strong, respectful, appreciative and present to the moment. Present to as much of their formation field as they can absorb in any given situation. I dream of my daughters expanding our family, God willing, with men who carry joy deeply and practice it with a beautiful sincere smile. I anticipate with joy any blessed children that would come from such a union. Because what is really "anemic" is not a social life, but society. Society is starving for joyful hearts convicted of presence and purpose. How will it ever recover if we don't show them how. St. Nicholas seems to be the perfect patron to beseech assistance from; in the case of my daughters who are of age. St. Nicholas of Myra, pray for us!
