Death: Potential for Living

The pictures I post here are a sampling of souls who have gone on before us.  With every "See you in a while." I have been profoundly reminded how Spiritually wealthy we would all be if we surrendered to the formative graces offered us in each passing. Saints and saints, and angels surround us always, but when someone dies, in our vulnerable grief we turn our thoughts and hopes toward the window of eternity, in many cases the turning toward that window infuses us with hope.  

Dave's Aunt Doris and Uncle Kelsey

Several years ago we went to the memorial celebration of Dave's Uncle Kelsey.  We did NOT know this family very well.  We went to visit them one weekend around 1993 and only saw Doris and her son once again when Dave's Mother passed. We knew this family was VERY special and didn't want to miss Kelsey's memorial celebration.  Doris was still alive when Kelsey passed, though she was experiencing some dimentia.  I will never forget gathering with Kelsey's family and friends.  It was beautiful!  Heaven is tangible in moments like these family gatherings when everyone takes a a few hours of "Awe" in honor of the image of God; in this case it was Kelsey, who goes before us into Eternity!

When Larry Salvatore died October 18, 1982, his daughter was on her knees praying and he appeared to her outside the window in a brown robe as if a Franciscan.  He told her to go tell her Mother, Ramona, that he was risen.  Later the Lillies outside that window bloomed.. in late fall.

All of us felt renewed with hope, our loss was turned to rejoicing.

When family members are materialist, it can get ugly and various deformative ways.  Charles Dickens portrays ugly in A Christmas Carol.; the women are discussing the fine bed linens that have been stripped off Scrooges bed, still warm.    I have suffered that kind of death too.  Not that I have known a Scrooge, I knew those women.  One cousin I will leave un-named, spent the time the family was at the funeral and reception, stripping my Grandmother's apartment.  She had begun while Grandma was still alive in the hospital.  Things that she didn't have time to cart away, she stripped of the name written on the bottom of the item my grandmother wished the item to go to.  Funny that my other Grandmother wrote names on things too.  I guess it is a tradition or something.

When family members refuse to grant the wishes of the deceased, it is an act of unlove, disrespecting the freedom God gave the person in life, in their death.  It aborts a good will that could have been extended to make up for something unknown in life.  It hurts the whole community, that one good will could have led to many others.    In Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre, Jane's Aunt almost went to her grave with a lie that would have prevented the Will of an Uncle of Jane's to be carried out.  The Aunt fessing up, united Jane to her cousins through Jane's generosity.  Her Aunt was so willful in life, it was a miracle that she let go of the secret near death. 

My Dad took us by the hand and showed us how to behave when we were close to death.  My mother had leukemia and he gathered us together to pray the rosary for several weeks on Friday nights.  It brought our family together in a way we had not known since we were very young. My parents divorced when I was five.  Dad was awesome and gave us life and hope with the gift of prayer.

My mother died with a lot of collections that ended up being dispersed amongst the family.  And then passed around over the years. A lot of it was a burden that we had to unload to charity, I was young and didn't know how to plan for the future.   It was a time consuming project.  I don't want my children to go through that process when I die. 

When my mother in-law was very sick, I wanted to be with her as she died, but I had a 9 week old child and didn't think I could get away for that event.  I had a premonition of when I should return after a visit, and I wish I had begun to plan for it right then. She did indeed die two weeks after we had visited her. For the family left behind we were so happy to be gathering together.  It was a beautiful time.  Many of us took advantage of the Confessional that Fr. Rory Pitstick opened up before Mass.  It was wonderful to see so many make use of it before receiving communion.   A few months later much of the family gathered to say goodbye to Dada.  The same love, and mercy surrounded us then.

After the death of one of my Maternal Uncles, the last remaining Aunt of the family suggested we stay for the reading of the will.  I didn't think we needed to do that, but my sister felt we should.  The lawyer who read it to us told us that she had only seen a reading of the will done in movies.  It felt like a movie.  My Uncle had no children of his own but loved the nieces and nephews that he was able to get to know, and left them each a generous gift.  My sister, brother, I and 7 other cousins were gifted.

I have a lot of stories...I am thinking of them because the recent death in the paternal side, we will be gathering as a family again for a Rosary and funeral Mass.  I am looking forward to another view into the window of eternity.  Joy!



Fr. Adrian van Kaam Spring 2007 with partial class of 2008.