Daughters

Three of my daughters (I have five) are old enough to be sought after.  Four are gorgeous.  One is just too cute.

The story of "The Shoe Maker and the Elves" is on my mind a lot.  "Through no fault of his own.... he was impoverished."  Through no fault of my own I am surrounded by beautiful faces.

It is December 16th,  and 10 days ago we celebrated the Feast of St. Nicholas.  One of his stories is that a man with three daughters, (remember this is the 300's), had no money for dowry's for even one of them. A rumor went around that the man was going to sell them into prostitution.  St. Nicholas threw bags of gold down the chimney to save them, and so they were married to men rather than sold to them.

Tonight, sitting in the middle of a high school theater after a show, I observed many persons under 20.  It occurred to me sitting amongst so much angst, that I live in an alternative universe.  I think my sister has been trying to tell me this for years, those years when I took my older children to theater functions and my girls peers seem to think I was a Martian to be avoided or ignored. It made me angry.  I think because the treatment was so similar to High School, why should it be any different just because I was an adult?   Tonight, I have gray hair, there are only about ten of us in the theater, that are parents with gray hair.  Tonight, as I look around after the show, my 15 year old is on stage hugging her acting friends, I look around and smile at the faces I see.  They don't see me.  One woman with gray hair is coming up the isle, she see's me, and we exchange sincere smiles.  We are older together.   I get a quick reprieve of this feeling of alienation that is not mine, I am imagining the experiencing of loneliness that these angst-y teenagers feel, selective about who they look deeply at, who they exchange smiles with, and who they squeeze.  Being selective is a good thing of course. I don't really want to squeeze anyone. I am sitting in the middle of the emptying theater for a reason.  I begin to wonder if I am a creepy old lady.  I wonder if all these years whenever I have taken joy in a person (that was not in my alternate universe), if I was a creepy woman?

The teens in this theater are not much in appearance.  The kids that were on stage were ok, but I have exceptionally beautiful daughters, through no fault of my own.  I think that I am used to smiling at them and having them return the favor on occasion in my alternate universe. It just occurs to me that self respect for oneself and others,... practiced by grooming and carrying around inner joy to be shared with a smile is not the normal!  I don't get out much. 

My regular social events are limited to trips to Safeway and regular small conversations with my favorite clerks that have worked there over 10 years.  Someone I love is always behind the counter at Safeway.  And then there is taking Maleny to her Kung Fu lessons.  Two times a week she takes from a group class.  Once a week she has a private lesson.  The group lessons are so enjoyable.  I wish everyone could watch the children and Mr. Lowe respectfully challenge his students to transcend their physical and spiritual abilities in the way he directs and limits them.   Mr. Lowe appears to be very attentive even when he is not looking.  Isn't that one of the Kung Fu mysteries.  He has surpassed my own ideal of being present to others and I wonder if my enthusiasm for him is creepy, rooted in something selfishly needy.  I would like to believe that my alternative universe leaves me far from selfishly needy.

A couple of weeks ago in the St. X bulletin, was a flier that read , "is your social life anemic", advertised the Altar Society.  Dear God, not that.    But I wonder  if I am so starved for social interaction that any, just makes me a "creepy old lady".  (Shudder).   Or if it is just my nature to enjoy others and I am happiest with those who appreciate other images of God?  


That brings me back to my own "Alternative Universe".  This social event of Maleny's group Kung Fu lesson has sent my attentions to a new place,  I want my beautiful daughters to repeat my,.. our "Alternative Universe".  I want them to marry men who are strong, respectful, appreciative and present to the moment.  Present to as much of their formation field as they can absorb in any given situation.   I dream of my daughters expanding our family, God willing, with men who carry joy deeply and practice it with a beautiful sincere smile.   I anticipate with joy any blessed children that would come from such a union.  Because what is really "anemic" is not a social life, but society.  Society is starving for joyful hearts convicted of presence and purpose. How will it ever recover if we don't show them how.  St. Nicholas seems to be the perfect patron to beseech assistance from; in the case of my daughters who are of age. St. Nicholas of Myra, pray for us!

Quelle Bonne Soupe! Christ Has Risen, Alleluia!

Last month, on a trip to Portland Oregon, a very good friend, Anne Schwartz and her husband Dave, treated me to my first French restaurant, in downtown Portland. It was wonderful! I had lapine; Little rabbit meat rolled into cylinders, stood on end with a little piece of apricot on the top of each. Tender tasty rabbit. I also had a bowl of Butternut Squash soup. That too was soo good!
I wished I could repeat the whole meal in my own kitchen. Anne is an inspiration to me. She has an incredible scientific mind that she has applied to cooking as well as other things. I decided to come home and apply a little daring and courage to my meals. It was a resolution that I have come accustom to making on each of my encounters with my friend Anne. What are friends for if they do not move us to become the imago Dei that was planned in the mind of God when were were created?
So tonight I looked up Butternut Squash recipe's on the internet and just figured out what proportions of water, squash, spices and dairy that could be involved in this soup. I went to the kitchen and whipped up the above lovely dish. I won't go into the details of getting every one to the table, but to say they all said it smelled great in the kitchen. We had our Easter table cloth on the table. It has eggs woven into the pattern. Very festive!
We said our dinner blessing, and I began to eat. Clara had just had surgery on her mouth, this meal would suit her fine. She was having trouble being at the table from the effects of the surgery. She ate fast and had to lie down. I was so happy that I was able to feed her. The other girls just quietly tried and it was revealed that they couldn't stomach it. Meanwhile, my bowl was almost gone.
Sometimes, when we try something new, the success of the attempt falls on the acceptance of the work. I experienced something new,... for me. I suspect that for many grown up persons, this is an every day event. I was sorry that my family could not eat, but I was not sorry for myself for the attempt, or filled with "self guilt" for being who I am, my tastes and attractions. I love the approach to food that the French incarnate. (What did you just say? That articulation sounds funny. What I mean is they appreciate food! And they give flesh to that appreciation in the making and consuming of what "is good".) Small amounts, some times rich, but delicate.
I had made a mess of the kitchen, the table was lovely, or I imagined it so. I had finished my soup and all I wanted was someone to drive to Zips and get hamburgers for those who could not eat. I didn't want more meal preparation to clean up after. They needed to eat. I needed to clean!
So here we are three days into Easter and Christ is Risen in the Mannino family! No one said "Yuck!" Everyone tried! My heart is full of gratefulness to God for transforming my measure of success, as well as some modes of presence we as a family have owned for a long time. My presence to the moments of cooking and eating, a caring presence when things don't go as planned, or when a child needs correcting. (The part of dinner prep I didn't mention.) Yes, Christ has risen! Alleluia! I am looking forward to the next 47 days of unrestrained rejoicing.

Faith is Controversial

My Aunt Perky sent me this link.
http://www.andiesisle.com/ifidiebeforeyouwake.html

This song calls us to appreciation. Appreciation opens us to the "Transcendent Dynamic" of the "Foundational Formational Triad of Faith, Hope and Love." I understand protesting souls who are angry about war. My brother is in Iraq. He is not at war with Iraqi's. He is there to rebuild other human being's country. They are not our brothers in nationality, or faith, (though a few are). My brother is in a soldiers uniform building a country, for another man to live in. They are attempting to change hearts by helping them help themselves. How many "against the war", have family that they can talk to about it, with first hand experience?

During Advent, we were asked by our pastor to consider if we are able to allow others to be born into a world that we have to die in. In otherwords, to labor for the incarnation of Christ as we die to self for others to be born in Christ. The life, death and resurection cycle. Iraq. What a story.

Stained Glass Making

I have been practicing painting glass to look like stained glass in order that I may be able to one day very soon, paint several of my favorite people into four panels in my front door. The samples on the right are my practices St. Cecilia and St. Louise De Marillac. I have a ways to go. I may cave and paint some symbols but I am not discouraged just yet. My first panel will be of Mr. Rogers if I can get a good likeness in glass of him.

How hard it is not to have the ability right away to do something like this. "Just do it" is one of my inclinations. Not very prudent. I figure I will learn as I go. But this is something the whole family will have to suffer with if I don't do it well enough for them to enjoy it. I think I have a few more weeks of warm weather, then the window has to go back up. Plenty of time for practice and I have in my possession lots of little glass pieces. The window is actually one panel that I will divide into four parts with a 4 panel frame covering the reality of its oneness. I get to practice lots of firm gentleness with myself and others. David Jr. is NOT allowed to mess with any of the tools or paint stuff.

I am reading Fr. van Kaam's book Spirituality and the Gentle Life, as my meditation in the mornings. Every time I read one of his books, I want to buy a case and give them to my friends. But I have to gently accept my financial limitations as well as others patience with my enthusiasm for Formative Spirituality. Thanks Adrian for the gift you continue to be to me and others. Pray for us.

Shuffling Sibling Dynamics

We have a small home. 950 square feet (with a basement) is probably a LOT to many who live anywhere other than the US, but for 8 people and a bike mechanic, it is small. We have three rooms upstairs, one is a library; books computers and lots of us work here. One small bedroom holds two of the girls and another holds three on account of a lovely bunk bed. So there are several formative stories here. One is the dynamics of the sibling's, the other is trusting in time and space. Another, attached to the differences in personality; how do we resolve conflict as a community, accepting the differences and adjusting to this great gift of originality that the individual imago Dei is. This last is VERY big. I really want my girls to walk out of the house knowing how to do this.
Several days ago, my Karen informed me that she was feeling bad for her 6 year old sister because her roommate was stressed and my 6 y.o. wasn't getting what she needed to rest at night the way a six year old should. I agreed. Dave and I have never been parents with children who have an early bedtime. Dave works retail getting home later, the girls have never needed to get up for school so I like them to be up when Dave is available. But now, the "social-historic Sphere is different", We have three in college, and Maleny needs sleep and so do they. So we decide to shuffle rooms to change the dynamics.
Did I mention that we just did this in April when our floors were refinished. With that in mind one 12 year old did not like the prospect of going back into her old room. Clara was confused and tells me she wants to get this figured out, she took "Stress Management", but I think she should have taken it with Maleny. ; ) Next semester she will be taking Pych. 101. I am sure they will not be covering van Kaamian "phasic formation". We decided it was best if Cecilia, the 12, shared the bedroom with Karen, the 20. Clara, wanting to learn how to handle her stress and 6 year old sister at the same time, will be in a room with Dana, who works with children, of both ages, and who is not only good at it, she gets paid for it.
MALENY GETS A BUNK BED!!! Oh how we did not know how much this child needed to be trusted with something like a bunk bed, top bunk! I told her in order to get the bunkbed, she must sign a contract that stated she would follow a bed time. She needed to begin getting ready for bed around 8:00 and be in bed at 8:30. Any arguments would put her on the bottom bunk. She has been so happy with her new arrangement. It has been several days and the first day she was in heaven, to the irritation of Cecilia. Differentiation/Integration..change, for ever change, such is life.

Christmas Cards and Rolling Eyes

I love to get Christmas Cards from friends and relatives that are the newsletter type. I even save them for years, a habit I must break or get them in that years photo album. Sometimes when the mailman has brought a lot, I am unhappy that I don't have time to spend with them. They get set aside for a quiet moment. These Christmas letters refresh me. Sometimes they are full of activity, telling me everything that has gone on in the persons family. It is a phenomena of the times. In the West, "we are what we do". I wonder if the family understands that they are more than what they do. Yet the wondering doesn't keep me from enjoying their doing, to the fullest. I am in awe of the creative energy that is expended in each persons life. I can imagine most times that the activity was done in faith hope and love.

I have this inconsistency of thought. I enjoy Christmas Card newsletters from others but when I write one, my girls roll their eyes. So my memory of the eye roll cripples my ability to let go and do the same. I don't really want to tell everyone what we are doing, all the activity is somewhat embarrassing to me. Why is that? I don't get it? I have done less this year. NO running the kids around to do Christian Youth Theater, no extra drives to music lessons. I am learning what concerns are really part of my "life call" and what are strivings from the pressures of this culture. I have to consider carefully the "life call" of my children as well and that can be tricky because they have a way of pressuring mom too. How to be true to the person God is calling me to become and be, and my children to, is an art form.

With that said I wrote a Christmas Card this year, Dave edited all my Formation Science language, the 'eye rolling' material. It is hard to take. So I followed his advise and took all that stuff out. Then we talked. I really don't believe people want to know about me, Dr. Muto might say that is false humility. We came up with this solution. This blogging forum is perfect for people like me. If you WANT TO KNOW, or have the TIME, you can CHOOSE to read and I don't have to know. I do not impose myself on your mailbox. So false humility or not. I can write my Christmas Card, sign it with my blog-site, and give the loved ones the option if they wish to visit me anonymously. My family is not embarrassed about what I say, because it didn't hit your mailbox. If you type into your browser my blog, you asked for it. I hope your heart lays down as mine does when I read your letters, but if it doesn't, that is ok too. Life is so beautiful in my house, my greatest hope is that you too share this joy in yours. We aren't perfect, we are living this journey in hopes of greater unity with the Holy Trinity; Father, Son and Holy Ghost, one day at a time. Just like the rest of humanity.
In anticipation of my next epiphany, seeing Jesus in you,
Rhonda

Karen's Trapeze Artist / Floating; Relaxed Prescence

Karen Mannino  "From Trapeze to Trapeze"
12/05/2007

From Trapeze to Trapeze

By Karen Mannino

From trapeze to

To Trapeze, in the hush that 

That follows the drum roll's sudden pause, through

Through the startled air, more swiftly than 

Than his body's weight, which once again

Again is late for its won fall.

Solo. Or even less than solo,

Less, because he's crippled, missing 

Missing wings, missing them so much

That he can't miss the chance

To soar on shamefully unfeathered

Naked vigilance alone.

Arduous ease,

Watchful Agility, 

And calculated inspiration. Do you see

How he waits to pound in flight; do you know

How he plots from head to toe

against his very being; do you know, do you see

how cunningly he weaves himself through his own fromer shape

and works to seize this swayiing world

by stretching out the arms he has conceived- 

beautiful beyond belief at this passing at this very passing moment that's just passed.

Karen just wrote an essay and created a portrait of a trapeze artist inspired by a poem. This was an English assignment. I hope she will use it in her blog.  I really like it.

I am working on an assignment that describes a "transcendent crisis" I had 5 years ago. I put it aside because I thought I may not be remembering things very well. Today I just found some journal entry's that confirmed my memory.

The assignment calls for a diagramming of my "faith traditions and form traditions";  changes my life has gone through since this crisis. I really enjoy what I am learning, finding it very applicable and exciting. I don't think my girls enjoy what I bring home, but we discuss it anyway.

Fr. van Kaam's style was to end his meditation, or maybe begin his movement with Christ, with a poem.I hope I can write a poem about a 5 year old girl, learning how to back float on the lake.   I feel like a five year old. Letting go of my functionality; fighting against the idea that I must move and do something, opposing a more relaxed pose. I must abandon myself in awe and appreciation to the Divine mystery of formation; the Holy Trinity. My contribution is the form I take in the water. I sink or float, how I desire to float! Do you remember what it is to float on the lake? To enjoy the cosmic epiphany of God's creation?  Replicating the joy of the lake floating experience  in my social field can be experienced, by appreciating the faces of others and the everyday in a relaxed manner. Not positing myself to get my way, or save myself in any given situation. . I have no anxiety about returning to my courses, I get to practice every moment.

Poem to be written later....Procrastination demon awakes.