Neighbor Prayers

"Arise my beloved, my beautiful one, and come along."  Scripture from the Song of Songs internally greeted me as I awoke Sunday morning.  I had asked Jesus to wake me for 6:30 AM Mass at Lourdes so I could start my bread dough before 8:00.  What a joy it is to wake up knowing Jesus wants to live "In", walk "With" and love "Through" me.  What a day we were going to have together. 

We have been praying for a broken relationship in our neighborhood for a long time. What little faith I had.   I never thought it would be reconciled. Sunday was the day.  5 households were out in the alley Sunday.  Trees needed to be cut down. and we have a wood stove.  Our neighbor to the East of us had planned all along to give us his tree.  The neighbor behind us had other friends he wanted to give the wood to.  But they didn't show up.  Maleny and David spent the morning helping the family with the two big trees in their front yard.  They dragged branch after branch with leaves on them into the "Jones' " back yard.  Mr. Jones asked us to come get the wood because his helpers hadn't shown up. The whole family and other neighbors raided his yard to take care of the mess. I brought over my bread once it was out of the oven.  We broke bread and were a working neighborhood.  The wife of whom I have had a not been on speaking terms graciously (addressing me by name) thanked me.  At the end of the day I had the courage to state that Jesus was Lord of our past, present and future.  Then I asked her if she thought we could love each other now.  And she replied "Yes." 

All I can do is be responsible for my own surrender to the Holy Spirit from day to day.  Being the reservoir from which overflows excess into the field around me is much easier than concentrating on the dry ground around the receptacle. Fretting about receptivity covers the rain barrel and no one gets any water.  I don't think this is the end to offenses.  I am sure I will offend again, but Jesus is Lord of that future, Jesus, I trust in you.

Perfect Appearances 24/7

 Mary Poppins; Ms. Practically Perfect.

Mary Poppins,  comes to the aid of a set of parents who are not able to "be" for their children.  She knows how to enjoy life and the presence of the children in her care AND she is in control!  Don't we all want to be in control. She is so attractive, and yet she creeps me out. Everything works out lovely in the end. As dreamy as Ms. Practically Perfect is, she is not within my reach, as a parent nor in my relationship with others,

Before I became a parent, I had never laid eyes on an infant that I thought was beautiful  God was merciful and gave me a perfect baby that was perfectly beautiful, probably so I could be in awe of her, despite her demanding ways. I wanted to be in control, but it didn't work out that way. I was mostly ok with letting Dana run my life, because she was so beautiful.

Respect and reverence shouldn't be contingent on the beauty of a person, event or thing.  But beauty does inspire these attitudes.  That is why beautiful Cathedrals exist.   Yet being awed by the tabernacle rather than the Bread of Life waiting for us within is backward.  I fear my own attraction to beauty.  St. Francis and your leper friends, pray for me. Mother Theresa and the souls you bathed at the threshold of death, pray for me.

The human person desires perfect Love, Justice/Goodness, Beauty, Truth, and Being.  Expecting perfect Love, perfect Justice/goodness, perfect Beauty, and perfect Being from myself or others in this fallen world is somewhat foolish and when I demand it from myself and others, I loose my peace.   "Only in God is my soul at rest."

Foolish I am, in my alternative universe, surrounded by beautiful faces.  Observation:  I have had friends that I admired and attempted to emulate that were in the habit of keeping immaculate homes, and immaculate appearances.  These friendships inspired order and beauty in my own home.  I have two "Sacred Spaces" in my house that are fruits of my relationship with one friend that I never see any more.   Life has never been the same due to my relationship with Regnum Christi (RC),  founded by a man who was not the Holy man he appeared to be.  Yet RC was the impetus for a transformation in my heart that I am grateful for.

The pressure to be perfect 24/7 can be very hard on a relationship.    It is not a surprise when the "perfect appearance" curtain falls, but in the three cases I can think of, where the curtain fell on my friends they were so entangled in it, that I haven't seen them since.

The practice of suffering the unknown gives me an opportunity to offer up all the unknown redemptive-ly. Having to place my worries and cares to the foot of the Cross brings me into the presence of Christ, on a regular basis, strengthening my union with the Holy Trinity.  As Dr. Muto says:  "What matters is the deepening of our relationship with our Lord and in the light of that mysterious intimacy all else eventually works itself out."  I would rather be begging God for grace 24/7 than insisting perfection from myself or others 24/7!

Mary Poppins isn't real, but I do have an example of a person who was good with children and lovely. 
His example of simplicity and detachment in his encounters with others, inspires me to be responsible for living in the Love Will of the Father, offering the invitation to others 24/7 .  The fruit of love is our eternal surprise, I think I can wait.

For Ever Grieving Presence

Cecilia took this picture in the fall.  Our baby was due on October 18, two days before Dave and my 26th wedding anniversary.   Dominique/Dominic would be 6 months old.  We buried the baby's remains under this rock under our maple tree.  I have always thought of this as sacred space.  Now all the children we play with in the neighborhood know it as so. This baby, so far and probably will not have, a following.  Our first lost child was followed by Dana.  If that person had made it, we would not have our Dana.  We were consoled.  I look back on this year and think of all the things we have done that may not have been attempted with a baby in tow.  Cecilia's theater adventures and Maleny's Kung Fu.  I can be grateful, but I think the consolation will come in Eternity when we will meet our  First and Eighth face to face.  But I am still hoping.

Daughters

Three of my daughters (I have five) are old enough to be sought after.  Four are gorgeous.  One is just too cute.

The story of "The Shoe Maker and the Elves" is on my mind a lot.  "Through no fault of his own.... he was impoverished."  Through no fault of my own I am surrounded by beautiful faces.

It is December 16th,  and 10 days ago we celebrated the Feast of St. Nicholas.  One of his stories is that a man with three daughters, (remember this is the 300's), had no money for dowry's for even one of them. A rumor went around that the man was going to sell them into prostitution.  St. Nicholas threw bags of gold down the chimney to save them, and so they were married to men rather than sold to them.

Tonight, sitting in the middle of a high school theater after a show, I observed many persons under 20.  It occurred to me sitting amongst so much angst, that I live in an alternative universe.  I think my sister has been trying to tell me this for years, those years when I took my older children to theater functions and my girls peers seem to think I was a Martian to be avoided or ignored. It made me angry.  I think because the treatment was so similar to High School, why should it be any different just because I was an adult?   Tonight, I have gray hair, there are only about ten of us in the theater, that are parents with gray hair.  Tonight, as I look around after the show, my 15 year old is on stage hugging her acting friends, I look around and smile at the faces I see.  They don't see me.  One woman with gray hair is coming up the isle, she see's me, and we exchange sincere smiles.  We are older together.   I get a quick reprieve of this feeling of alienation that is not mine, I am imagining the experiencing of loneliness that these angst-y teenagers feel, selective about who they look deeply at, who they exchange smiles with, and who they squeeze.  Being selective is a good thing of course. I don't really want to squeeze anyone. I am sitting in the middle of the emptying theater for a reason.  I begin to wonder if I am a creepy old lady.  I wonder if all these years whenever I have taken joy in a person (that was not in my alternate universe), if I was a creepy woman?

The teens in this theater are not much in appearance.  The kids that were on stage were ok, but I have exceptionally beautiful daughters, through no fault of my own.  I think that I am used to smiling at them and having them return the favor on occasion in my alternate universe. It just occurs to me that self respect for oneself and others,... practiced by grooming and carrying around inner joy to be shared with a smile is not the normal!  I don't get out much. 

My regular social events are limited to trips to Safeway and regular small conversations with my favorite clerks that have worked there over 10 years.  Someone I love is always behind the counter at Safeway.  And then there is taking Maleny to her Kung Fu lessons.  Two times a week she takes from a group class.  Once a week she has a private lesson.  The group lessons are so enjoyable.  I wish everyone could watch the children and Mr. Lowe respectfully challenge his students to transcend their physical and spiritual abilities in the way he directs and limits them.   Mr. Lowe appears to be very attentive even when he is not looking.  Isn't that one of the Kung Fu mysteries.  He has surpassed my own ideal of being present to others and I wonder if my enthusiasm for him is creepy, rooted in something selfishly needy.  I would like to believe that my alternative universe leaves me far from selfishly needy.

A couple of weeks ago in the St. X bulletin, was a flier that read , "is your social life anemic", advertised the Altar Society.  Dear God, not that.    But I wonder  if I am so starved for social interaction that any, just makes me a "creepy old lady".  (Shudder).   Or if it is just my nature to enjoy others and I am happiest with those who appreciate other images of God?  


That brings me back to my own "Alternative Universe".  This social event of Maleny's group Kung Fu lesson has sent my attentions to a new place,  I want my beautiful daughters to repeat my,.. our "Alternative Universe".  I want them to marry men who are strong, respectful, appreciative and present to the moment.  Present to as much of their formation field as they can absorb in any given situation.   I dream of my daughters expanding our family, God willing, with men who carry joy deeply and practice it with a beautiful sincere smile.   I anticipate with joy any blessed children that would come from such a union.  Because what is really "anemic" is not a social life, but society.  Society is starving for joyful hearts convicted of presence and purpose. How will it ever recover if we don't show them how.  St. Nicholas seems to be the perfect patron to beseech assistance from; in the case of my daughters who are of age. St. Nicholas of Myra, pray for us!

Quelle Bonne Soupe! Christ Has Risen, Alleluia!

Last month, on a trip to Portland Oregon, a very good friend, Anne Schwartz and her husband Dave, treated me to my first French restaurant, in downtown Portland. It was wonderful! I had lapine; Little rabbit meat rolled into cylinders, stood on end with a little piece of apricot on the top of each. Tender tasty rabbit. I also had a bowl of Butternut Squash soup. That too was soo good!
I wished I could repeat the whole meal in my own kitchen. Anne is an inspiration to me. She has an incredible scientific mind that she has applied to cooking as well as other things. I decided to come home and apply a little daring and courage to my meals. It was a resolution that I have come accustom to making on each of my encounters with my friend Anne. What are friends for if they do not move us to become the imago Dei that was planned in the mind of God when were were created?
So tonight I looked up Butternut Squash recipe's on the internet and just figured out what proportions of water, squash, spices and dairy that could be involved in this soup. I went to the kitchen and whipped up the above lovely dish. I won't go into the details of getting every one to the table, but to say they all said it smelled great in the kitchen. We had our Easter table cloth on the table. It has eggs woven into the pattern. Very festive!
We said our dinner blessing, and I began to eat. Clara had just had surgery on her mouth, this meal would suit her fine. She was having trouble being at the table from the effects of the surgery. She ate fast and had to lie down. I was so happy that I was able to feed her. The other girls just quietly tried and it was revealed that they couldn't stomach it. Meanwhile, my bowl was almost gone.
Sometimes, when we try something new, the success of the attempt falls on the acceptance of the work. I experienced something new,... for me. I suspect that for many grown up persons, this is an every day event. I was sorry that my family could not eat, but I was not sorry for myself for the attempt, or filled with "self guilt" for being who I am, my tastes and attractions. I love the approach to food that the French incarnate. (What did you just say? That articulation sounds funny. What I mean is they appreciate food! And they give flesh to that appreciation in the making and consuming of what "is good".) Small amounts, some times rich, but delicate.
I had made a mess of the kitchen, the table was lovely, or I imagined it so. I had finished my soup and all I wanted was someone to drive to Zips and get hamburgers for those who could not eat. I didn't want more meal preparation to clean up after. They needed to eat. I needed to clean!
So here we are three days into Easter and Christ is Risen in the Mannino family! No one said "Yuck!" Everyone tried! My heart is full of gratefulness to God for transforming my measure of success, as well as some modes of presence we as a family have owned for a long time. My presence to the moments of cooking and eating, a caring presence when things don't go as planned, or when a child needs correcting. (The part of dinner prep I didn't mention.) Yes, Christ has risen! Alleluia! I am looking forward to the next 47 days of unrestrained rejoicing.

Faith is Controversial

My Aunt Perky sent me this link.
http://www.andiesisle.com/ifidiebeforeyouwake.html

This song calls us to appreciation. Appreciation opens us to the "Transcendent Dynamic" of the "Foundational Formational Triad of Faith, Hope and Love." I understand protesting souls who are angry about war. My brother is in Iraq. He is not at war with Iraqi's. He is there to rebuild other human being's country. They are not our brothers in nationality, or faith, (though a few are). My brother is in a soldiers uniform building a country, for another man to live in. They are attempting to change hearts by helping them help themselves. How many "against the war", have family that they can talk to about it, with first hand experience?

During Advent, we were asked by our pastor to consider if we are able to allow others to be born into a world that we have to die in. In otherwords, to labor for the incarnation of Christ as we die to self for others to be born in Christ. The life, death and resurection cycle. Iraq. What a story.

Stained Glass Making

I have been practicing painting glass to look like stained glass in order that I may be able to one day very soon, paint several of my favorite people into four panels in my front door. The samples on the right are my practices St. Cecilia and St. Louise De Marillac. I have a ways to go. I may cave and paint some symbols but I am not discouraged just yet. My first panel will be of Mr. Rogers if I can get a good likeness in glass of him.

How hard it is not to have the ability right away to do something like this. "Just do it" is one of my inclinations. Not very prudent. I figure I will learn as I go. But this is something the whole family will have to suffer with if I don't do it well enough for them to enjoy it. I think I have a few more weeks of warm weather, then the window has to go back up. Plenty of time for practice and I have in my possession lots of little glass pieces. The window is actually one panel that I will divide into four parts with a 4 panel frame covering the reality of its oneness. I get to practice lots of firm gentleness with myself and others. David Jr. is NOT allowed to mess with any of the tools or paint stuff.

I am reading Fr. van Kaam's book Spirituality and the Gentle Life, as my meditation in the mornings. Every time I read one of his books, I want to buy a case and give them to my friends. But I have to gently accept my financial limitations as well as others patience with my enthusiasm for Formative Spirituality. Thanks Adrian for the gift you continue to be to me and others. Pray for us.