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| Boldt Castle, Heart Island, New York |
I think I am going to place a sign on my door, "home of five princess'". I need a reminder of this reality, as the mother of five beautiful daughters, the word princess calls to mind a value that the world does not often see, and I too, am blinded by this world view; objectification. Rather than focus on the great Love God wishes to bestow upon us, in us, and through us, I focus on the avoidance of all that is evil. In the same way, rather than see my girls as princess' I might think of the fortress like boundaries that I must impose to keep them from thinking of them selves as objects, or others to think of or treat them as such.
Yes, that is the way of fear. And fear can make us crazy. Moderation, the Latin form Moderatus means to keep within bounds, restrain. Again from the word Mode, the Latin, Modus, a manner of acting, doing, or being. Who wants to be crazy? I would prefer to live within the boundaries that remind us who we are. The Fortress like boundaries are not a bad thing, it is just that the emphasis in on the fortress, and not on the jewels inside.
Fr. Robert Barron in his DVD "Untold Blessings" compares Jesus the Christ as Warrior King, with the worldly view of warrior and king. Christ was Obedient to the Love will of the Father in all things. Being born of a woman in a stable, a life of Poverty and Chaste Love, sourced in, again, the Love Will of the Father. So too there is a Fortress that is otherworldly. I do not have to give up that narration. You see, I am the queen mother of my home, I know I don't do it perfectly, but I know who I and my children can go to for The Queens guidance, the Queen of Peace. Jesus is The King, but my husband stands in his place in this Domestic Church, just as a priest stands in the place of Jesus for a Parish. The King and Queen are not self seeking, or fortress building, they are forming souls. The Focus is not what is seen, but what is unseen, the interior castle. Like Jesus the Warrior, the Prince of Peace, this King and Queen seek Ladies Poverty, Chastity and Obedience; to the Love Will of the Father. The Castle is meant to protect the hearts and minds of the inhabitants from the Usurper. Our home is open, we aren't perfect at the welcome mat. We have a lot to learn about civility, but we practice. Civility goes both ways, our home is open to the stranger, but we can't control the perception. We can invite those who are afraid, to take courage and slay the Dragon at the door that is the liar and author of fear.
I have five beautiful daughters, one is called to the single life. She is convinced of it and has a thread of direction that will get her to what God has in mind for her. She is invaluable to us in her wise ways with others. The other four, believe they have a vocation in married life. But that is dependent upon the invition of another.
This family is not shaped by the culture directly. Though we can't help but be influenced by it. The struggle to know the truth about many things is really a struggle against the belief of the day, and what is true and good. It is good for a Mother and Father to guide and direct that social life of their children to what is good true and beautiful. When they become adults making choices that may affect them and the parents for the rest of their lives, it isn't unreasonable to continue to have a hand in that guidance. Think grandparent raising grandchild of divorced children. OR unmarried daughters child. The word that comes to mind is Insurance, pay with your time patience and loving concern now, or pay later when there is less receptivity. Tell me a story that this narrative is good for all, because it is VERY common and not attractive to me! I would not mind babysitting my grandchildren, but I want a Husband and Father in the lives of my daughters and their children! I also want what I had with my in-laws, a loving relationship, they are actually the first persons I hope to see in Eternity. Really, do I have another duty that is more critical? NO!
Cinderella and Prince Phillip is the narrative. The above castle is not Disneyland's Cinderella castle, it is a modest castle, yet beautiful. Large enough to welcome the stranger and the friend, who has the courage to seek and to find.
Cinderella's parents feared for her life and gave her to others to raise in hopes that their Princess would be spared. They also chose a Prince for her with hopes for her future. I wouldn't get away with signing any of my daughters off to any Prince, children are not objects to 'give away'. The free will of both parties is always a loving transendent dynamic that even God does not take away. Today women and men seek eachother out alone....outside the home. Yet in the area of intimate friendships, I am not comfortable allowing my young adult women to seek alone, as long as they are living with us. The world has lost the narrative of protecting the chosen virtues of Ladies Poverty(Simplicity) Chastity and Obedience, in the castle of the home. Today, that narrative is mine. The welcome sign is out for those who have the courage to swim out of the moat of control, pleasure, and "my way or the highway" mentality, take up the sword to battle with ones imagination of what it is like to get to know a Princess in the home of her parents, and enter into Christian communion with this family, we have no expectations of a lifelong relationship, some we hope for and some we will just enjoy the pleasure of another image of Christ in our home for the moment.
The practical rules for persons parents don't know well:
1. Come and see.
2. Be with us, eat, work, play and hang with us.
3. If you take one of our beloved daughters out, respect our need to protect by going out with others, tell us where you are going and respect the curfew. 10:00 PM
4. . If you are walking out to the park just the two of you, 45 minutes max.
If the daughter is older and independent, these rules do not apply. I am confident that they will choose persons that know that marriage is not (the other fortress) 'all about me." the ego drama that plans the 'happy everafter,' without much thought to the wider world. "It's about, my house, my career, my kids, if I have any, my marriage is good as long as I am happy with what I get out of it." My hope is that they are generous Princess' bringing them home for us to know the unique imago dei that they have discovered and love.
